Recent Splats according to Miz Yank

I thought my book might end up here eventually, but so soon?

As regular readers know, I’m the third child of four and have two older sisters and a younger brother. I write about my family all the time, but never before have I written a post about my oldest sister, Suzi. There’s a very good reason for this: Suzi, like so many firstborns, is near-perfect and is, therefore, a very poor source of material. But when she generates some, as she did yesterday, she really makes it count.

The details of her sordid tale arrived in the form of an email she sent to my mother and my siblings, with a courtesy copy to me. I’m going to let her email tell the story, interrupted occasionally with commentary from me, in italics.

I read Karen’s book cover to cover in record time, so I gave it to my neighbor Carolyn to read.  She too read it in record time and brought it back to me at the bus stop this morning (by the way, she had to stop and read parts of it to her kids because she kept laughing out loud…and they wanted to know what she was laughing about).  It was cold at the bus stop today, so I was wearing Nana’s long coat.

When Carolyn gave me the book I tucked it under my arm since my hands were in my pockets.  You may not know this, but the bus stop is actually the sewer in front of our house. [As bus stops tend to be in your better neighborhoods.]

Every morning the kids and parents congregate on the sewer and wait for the various buses to come.  [Straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting, isn’t it? “C’mon, kids, gather ’round the sewer and I’ll tell you a story…”] 

After the bus left, Carolyn and I were chatting when suddenly the book slipped out from under my arm, bounced on the edge of the sewer and slid right in!  Down it went just like that – we watched as if it were in slow motion, and it was gone before we could do anything about it.  We both screamed but that didn’t bring the book back.

Luckily, in Henrico County the teenagers go to school after the little kids, so J.J. was in the kitchen making his breakfast (lucky for the husband, he was at the grocery store…picking up tooth brushes since we were suddenly out of them this morning – that is a whole different story).   I begged J.J. to come outside to lift the lid off the sewer to see if my book had survived the fall.

It did!  J.J. climbed into the sewer and rescued the book from the nice, soft pile of leaves it had landed on.  I ran back inside to grab my phone to take a picture. [As any concerned parent would do when her kid’s in a sewer.] The book is now safely in the hands of one of my co-workers and I owe J.J. $10.

Now you see what I mean about Suzi setting an unattainable standard for the rest of us. With one son on the sewer, another one inside it, and an entire household with halitosis, she is a monument to maternal selflessness and good hygiene. Not only that, but she took meticulous care of my book. As a humorist, I figured my book was destined to become bathroom literature, but I never thought its trip to the pipes would be quite so direct.

 

So glad I no longer have to worry about what photo to use for my annual Christmas card.

So glad I no longer have to worry about what photo to use for my annual Christmas card.

 

Comments

  1. Bill Sullivan says:

    Clearly, the literary gene runs throughout the Yankosky family. LOL

    • I’m glad you recognized Suzi’s skills, BJ! She gives herself far too little credit. I also love that she sent her kid sewer-diving without even thinking about just buying another copy.

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